I regret feeling abnormal for most of these past 30 years
Yet statistics prove that I and fellow sufferers are the vast majority
I feel like a judgment has been passed which ousts me from society
A rejection because of my weakness, my inability to cope
Control over my life seems almost irrelevant: “I was born unlucky”
Why keep fighting for the impossible?
Sometimes I want everyone to know what and why I’m suffering
I crave understanding but fear direct rejection
My whole world is viewed through grey-tinted spectacles
Patterned by phases of complete desolation and despair
Meanwhile my body reacts to bouts of anxious nausea
Mingled with flashes of intense sweat and disturbing dreams
My saddest regret is feeling unable to cope with children
Friends seem easily transformed into naturally gifted mothers
Who swear no regrets, but I hover on the brink of this decision
Enthused and motivated by my love of other’s children
Held back through fear of worsening the depression
And the terror of passing this disease on
